“My neck hurts.”

It was a simple statement, one that told me everything I needed to know about his life.  He literally had a “pain in the neck” situation going on at work, and it showed up as a physical pain.   When I first got my master certification in NLP and hypnosis, I was instantly drawn to a different type of coaching – working through emotions by working through pain.

Most people don’t know that pain is connected – much less that NLP can solve these kinds of problems.  NLP is mostly associated with persuasion, as in sales.  But it can also be used to persuade your brain to process information differently.  Pain is caused by the brain having a thought which causes an emotion.  The emotional strain on the cells in the affected area become constricted, which causes that neck, back, leg, foot, shoulder, stomach or headache pain (the list goes on and on).

Last week, I helped a man overcome 10 months of chronic stomach pain in 45 minutes.  He released his pain very quickly once he connected the emotional state he was feeling.  At first, he said he was having no emotion (and a high level of pain).  Soon he got in touch with his emotions and the pain started to go.   And then it was gone.

So here are a few things you should know about pain or physical symptoms and their meanings:

Neck pain - Stubbornness, Inflexibility (What is giving you a pain in the neck?)

Back – The back has 3 sections (lower, middle and upper) and it’s about being supported

Lower Back – Worries about financial support

Middle Back – Guilt. Carrying all that stuff on your back (maybe you’re taking responsibility for more than you need to?)

Upper Back – Emotionally unsupported – lonely (take a look at your relationships)

Knees - Your ego and pride is in the way.  (left means the past and right means moving forward)

Headache – Making yourself wrong – criticizing yourself (where do you need to appreciate yourself more?0

Stomach – Afraid of new things (maybe huge life change is coming and you don’t know what’s next?)

Feet - Understanding of ourselves and others and letting change happen (feet keep you moving)

Shoulder – Lack of joy in life (feeling like you’re shouldering the load?)

Of course, there are literally hundreds of meanings for pain and illness, so I just wanted to share a few with you today.  Maybe it will help a little bit to figure out whatever needs detangling right now in your own life.

Just got off the phone with a consulting client who has restructured the people in her business to be aligned with the appropriate job.  (Honestly, if I only did one thing all day, it would be style and values testing because it makes people understand their relationships so well!)

Not only is she happier, but so are the other people on the team.  According to Gang & Gang, 55% of people are in the wrong jobs.  Whether you have a corporate job or are a work at home professional, it means there is a 1 in 2 chance that you are spending a good amount of time on things you’re not good at doing, or thing you hate to do.   What does that mean?

Frustration.  Confusion.  Fear.  Doubt.  Anger.  Resentment.

Lovely emotions to live with, huh?

Getting out of these emotions requires some knowledge of self.  Knowledge of self helps you understand relationships whether they are personal or business.  Having better relationships with people and tasks means happier self.  Simple.

Here are three things you must know about yourself in order to have better relationships:

1.  Know your VALUES. Values are the unconscious characteristics that drive us.  Notice I said unconscious.  That means you aren’t aware of them until you make a choice to become aware.  What drives you?  Independence, intimacy, wealth, creativity, relationships, learning, challenge…the list goes on and on.  Become aware of your top 3 and these are your decision making blueprint.  When one (or more) is violated, the result is anger, restriction and resentment.

2.  Get comfortable with your strengths. I used to beat myself up because I stink at filing.  I would spend hours trying to figure it out, all the while listening to that little voice that kept saying “See how stupid you are?  You can’t even figure out where to put a dumb piece of paper!  I can’t believe you’re running your own company.”   Now that wasn’t so helpful.

We were taught all throughout school to get better at what we’re not good at doing.  I totally disagree – again.  I say drop what you’re not good at doing and get it done creatively – barter or exchange, or hire it out.  You’ll save time, energy and lots of money in the long run by refusing to be working out of your strengths.

3.  Learn your personal style.  Everybody has “rose colored” glasses when it comes to experiencing the world.  Some people are creative and intuitive, some are logical and analytical, some are bottom line strategists and some are harmonious supporters.  Where most people get it wrong is they spend most of their life trying to prove that they’re “right” in their assessment of a situation.  It’s a losing proposition.  An intuitive will never prove to a scientist that intuition exists (well, there are some new studies but…)

In short, it’s all about your credibility.  You don’t get to say whether you have it or not – other people do.  So when you decide to learn these things you’ll have a whole new perspective on people – and a whole new way of peacefully understanding them.

Do you know your personal style and values? If so, does it help you get through the frustration, confusion and fear in your life?

Today’s mantra:  stay on target.



Some days, you just wake up apathetic or discouraged, for what could be no reason at all.  Oh sure, there’s always some reason, but it’s probably not at all what you think.  I mean, there are so many blessings to count, so much goodness around but sometimes you just have to let yourself feel poopy for a little bit before you move on.

It’s not that you’re unhappy or miserable with everything in your life.  Maybe it’s just one area (like your money, your environment, your health, your career or your relationships) that’s not working so well that throws everything else off.  And maybe you feel like you’re working really hard to “make things happen” only to find yourself spinning your wheels on the bicycle of life.

Been there.  Got it.  Totally understand.  I have those days too (yes, even the Queen of Happiness hits a bump once in a while) 

Emotion, when left unacknowledged, becomes negativity and can lead to depression.  Depression is projected to be the #2 killer in by 2020.  When emotional upset (frustration, confusion, conflict, overwhelm, fear, anxiety, worry) becomes an everyday lifestyle, momentum stops.  It makes sense:  how can you be focused and on target when you’re overcome with worry about your job, your money, your relationships, your career, your health… ________________________ (fill in your own thing here.)?

It’s impossible.

But there’s good news:  today we can all make a choice to acknowledge the negativity (notice I said acknowledge, not wallow in it)

So you’re feeling ________________.   Great! Here’s what to do next:

1.  Give yourself 5 minutes to identify and acknowledge your emotion.

2.  Say out loud “I’m feeling ________  Oh well!  This too shall pass..”  (because it will)

3.  Now that it’s been acknowledged, you can move on.  Go about your day (don’t try to change things – that will only put you back in wallowing mode.

4.  DO something different.  A task that needs to be done.  Go for a walk.  Hug another person (or your dog).  Whatever.   Just make sure you’re in motion (even if it feels like slow motion) and NOT spending your time wallowing in the emotion.

5.  Congratulate yourself for moving through the emotion instead of ignoring it.

By doing these simple things, you will learn to become more emotionally intelligent, which will help you to increase your health, happiness, stamina, relationships and bank account.

Feeling Better? Let me know.
 

There’s only one thing I hate worse than mopping the floors…

…and that’s dealing with the endless emails that come into my inbox.

I’m not talking about the stupid once-in-a-lifetime-do-it-right-now-or-die kinds of emails, I’m talking about the legitimate things you need to deal with. Things like requests from vendors, employees and contractors. Or “what do you want for your birthday” emails from Mom.

If you know anyone that sends email (and I’m sure you do), you are dealing with this too. So here are a couple of tips I’ve developed that can help you attack and process your email with ease.

Email attack strategy #1 – Turn off Send/Receive. Let’s get real. You don’t really need to check your email the second it comes in. Not even a little bit. Turn off your automatic send/receive and check your email manually several times a day. You will feel more in control, people will stop assuming that the second you receive an email you will respond and you finally get a chance to breathe.

Email attack strategy #2 – Maintain multiple email addresses. Want to instantly clean up your inbox? Get an email address just for specific areas of your life. For example, I have an email just for newsletters, one for internal communications with my team (that nobody else knows), one for use with clients, and one for my friends and family. It’s a total breeze to know which emails to look at first.

Email attack strategy #3 – Auto-sort into folders. Now that you have all those extra email addresses, why have a big fat inbox when you can auto-sort them into folders. This is an especially useful feature of Outlook (Entourage if you have a Mac). Just set up a rule for incoming mail and it will automatically go into the appropriate folder. Now newsletters won’t be mixed up with really important email.

Email attack strategy #4 – Color code it. Some email programs have a color coding feature that makes email fun and easy to work with. You can color code emails from a particular person, through a specific account or with specific words in them.

Email attack strategy #5 – Sort by name or subject before you look at it. This is probably the biggest distraction that people have with email. You look at the first email, and it’s about subject #1. You start to think about that subject and then go on to the next email. It’s about subject #2. And on and on until you have so many thoughts filling your head, you’re exhausted. Sorting by the person’s name or subject before you process your email will keep you thinking about the person or subject until the entire set of messages is gone. This one is a real brain saver!

Email attack strategy #6 – The Preview Procrastination. What is the biggest enemy of email programs? If you’re using Outlook, it’s called the “reading pane”. Yep, it’s a “pain” alright. It allows you to preview your email before you reply. Most of us scan the email, put together a reply in our head and never actually get around to doing the actual reply. Then we carry all that “have to” information in our head and procrastinate about responding to email because we think we’re doing it twice! Turn off preview and reading pane now.

Email attack strategy #7 – Reply, Schedule, File or Delete. Now that the reading pane is off and your email is sorted, you’re ready to go. Get the email in front of you, and do one of the following: reply, schedule a task or appointment, file it or delete it. NEVER move on and say “I’ll get back to this one.” You won’t. If you don’t know what to do with it, put it in an I Don’t Know folder but don’t leave it in your inbox.

Email attack strategy #8 – Early or Late, but NEVER before bed. Email before bed? Uggghhh! Don’t do it. Enough said.

Email attack strategy #9 – Set a timer and get it done! If email procrastination is running your life, set a timer before you start. With your sorting done and process in hand, getting through the email in chunks is better than leaving it for later. Later never comes. Instead, set your timer for 30 minutes. When the timer goes off, you’re done. Do it again later in the day if you have to. You’ll feel a certain sense of relief.

Technology is supposed to be your friend – not your enemy. Don’t let it get you – let it work FOR you!


Do you have any Email Attack Strategies that I could add to my list?